Do you believe in god and if so why when the world is like it is and there is no indication of a higher power?

you need to build confidence in yourself. I am so sorry about what happened when you were younger, but i think that if you gained some courage then you would be able to find someone and a friend , also i would be open about the past as it might help them to understand. Nothing was your fault so you shouldn't feel that way about yourself, and no you are not useless! if you get a woman she will be a woman who understands you and i bet you anything you will make her happy and you wont destroy her life. Hope this helps x. And no i dont believe in god i am a studying wicca though :).